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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

The 5 Stages of Dealing With Difficult News

We’ve all heard of these five stages before (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance).

How does this relate to foreclosure? Well, a foreclosure is one of the most emotional experiences people will ever go through. I talked to a guy last night who said to me “I’d rather cut off my right arm than have to lose my home to foreclosure” – now that’s a powerful statement!

It’s important that you understand the basics of these 5 stages – whether we’re dealing with a lose of our own, or trying to help a friend or family member through the process.

I think it’s best understood with a simple example that we can all relate to – the dead car battery…

You jump in the car Monday morning for work and turn the key only to find just a cold “whirr…”.

Denial - First you try it again, right? “This can’t be dead – I just replaced it a year ago!” You check to make sure the lights, radio, windshield wipers, etc are all off and you try maybe several times to crank it.

Anger – You slam your fist into the dash-board. “Oh you stupid car! I can’t believe you’re doing this to me!! I’m going to get you towed to a junk yard tonight! I should have bought a new one last year when I had the chance!”

Bargaining – “OK, if you start this one last time, I’ll keep you forever. Please car, please! I’ll get you washed and detailed (inside and out), buy you a brand new battery, add some gas additive, get you a tune-up, you name it, you’ve got it. Just start for me one more time so I’m not late for work”.

Depression – “Oh what am I going to do? If I’m late one more time, I’ll probably lose my job. I give up, it’s no use”.

Acceptance – “Alright it’s dead, where’s the number for the tow truck so I can get it jumped. I’ve got to just move on and get to work – maybe I can get a ride from Joe. I’ll get this fixed later”.

This is a rather basic example, and of course not nearly as deviating as the prospect of losing a house to foreclosure. But this is the basic process, and we usually go through it several times a day. We stub our toe, cut ourselves shaving, dial a wrong number, bounce a check, you name it.

OK, back to foreclosure – the sooner you can get yourself, or the person going through a foreclosure at least through the “Anger” stage and to “Bargaining”, the better. I can not begin to help anyone with their foreclosure until they’re at least Bargaining.

Wow – we’ll have to give you some lighter reading tomorrow – that was pretty deep

See you then!

Joel

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